I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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