btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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