This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
