My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
