I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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