Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
