dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Houston, we have a squirter
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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