why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
