there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
