Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
