Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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