Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
