I'm so fucking centered right now
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
