I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My penis needs a shock collar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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