When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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