Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
