So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
