She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
