So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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