You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
