u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
