I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
