This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
