Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize