We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
