Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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