do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
