overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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