Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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