Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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