one might say we're banned from that church
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
