dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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