Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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