DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My hand turned me down
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
