$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
