this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
