Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All the doctor said was why
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
