im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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