put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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