My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
