Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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