my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
