So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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