I think I am morally bankrupt
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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