I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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