census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
