Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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