Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize