areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I could fuck to npr.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
