matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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