After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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