I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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