so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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