what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
