I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
