apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
