You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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