textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
