you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
