1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
