and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
