now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I lost the right to judge tonight
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
