More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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