Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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