If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
