Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
