I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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