Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
