yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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