The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
