so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
