Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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